alright, i'll admit it. i'm terribly pathetic and constantly suicidal. these thoughts infiltrate my head daily, hourly, practically every second. somehow i find ways to keep the struggle alive. for instance, i still realize that there are a handful of people that would be damaged by my actions. life would go on though; it always does.
i remember those shining moments of days and nights passed when unexplicable happiness resided within me and wonder if i would really miss more of them. and i would. i read letters of those who have opted for that lonely road... enough said.
i take solace in the intangible things that are mine forever. they won't go away even if i wanted them to.
so instead, i'll write some poetry and cry and when i'm finished with that, i'll smoke a cigarette and have a cup of coffee and keep telling myself, "it can't rain all the time."
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Seriously. Grey skies and 13 hour sleep habits are hand in hand with me. That wonderful sun. It makes me so happy. Today I wish it would come out and play. I took this test to see where my "ideal" cities are and they don't seem to be that sunny. Maybe you'll have more luck: findmyspot(dot)com
I like the blog. But maybe that's because I'm supping a cup of joe right now.
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